Obsessing

The best way to stop obsessing about my son is to stay busy. The worrying thoughts still creep in but not quite as often. I am far away from Vancouver and my son.

So it has been very busy for me here in my parents’ home and because we are danish we really go crazy with food celebrations. I truly wasn’t thinking of my son until I took five to put my sore legs up. Someone suggested I phone his pharmacist to find out if he is still on schedule with his daily suboxone. So I did. And, no, he had not shown up yet. It was already 11:30 am.

Now I am really obsessing. I phone every half hour to the pharmacist. Still no show.

Just before guests arrive I make another call. Again a no show.

OK, but wouldn’t he be really sick by now?

Oh yes, definite withdrawals, and likely full-on by early evening.

My latest way of dealing with the stress is to drink too much akvavit. And wow, did I ever pay the price for that indulgence.

The question to myself is whether the distance I have created by moving back to my hometown will give me enough separation so I can get better and let go. I need time and distance to heal myself. But the catch is that I won’t receive the updates on his status as quickly. So my new challenge is to learn how to wait. At least I no longer enable him.

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