How does one come to terms with not liking your own son. Why have I come to dislike him so much?
Is it when he takes advantage of me because I am his mom – my unconditional love. Is it when he deliberately confuses me so he can demean me and gain the upper hand. Is it when he peppers me with questions that are only his to answer but when I suggest a possibility he dismisses my idea. Is it when he’s in my presence I have to hide my wallet, my keys, my PINs, my passwords, my bank statements, my iPod, my anything that he deems of value. Is it when he forgets, or loses, or misplaces practically everything I have given him. Is it when he pawns the black guitar I gave him to mark his abstinence milestone.
Is he temporarily mixed up? Is he like his dad? Does he just need time to discover a better path? Will he ever learn to become a decent person?
My blind, stupid unconditional love. When will it be my last straw. It’s often said that an addict has to hit rock-bottom before making a change. Do I have to hit my rock-bottom before I can make a change in me.