May 2016: I haven’t updated this page since writing it in 2014 when I first started this blog. Now that a good chunk of time has elapsed, I can confidently say that Troll’s recent heroin highs are much shorter in length of time, with much less intensity. So already he is ‘needing’ higher and higher doses.
August 2014: I don’t really know his deepest true self but as his mom I may be closer to knowing who he is more than anyone else, including all his counselors, even though I have probably been manipulated by him more often than anyone else. Although bringing up my son has been challenging, I always saw his positive attributes. My sister describes me as ‘forever the optimist’.
Here’s a short description of Troll:
He has an amazing memory. When he was 3 he would watch a Barney episode and then afterwards run into the kitchen and recite it to me word for word and song for song. Age 3 was also when his tantrums began.
He’s really really smart. He learns fast. He will learn every minute detail but only when the subject interests him. For example, at age 2 it was vacuum cleaners, age 9 train locomotives. And at 12 it was helicopters. He drew them with exacting detail. He knew the mechanics and physics of how they flew. Where they were built and who built them. He could spot them in the sky and name the make and model. His latest interests are languages: arabic, japanese, russian, hungarian.
He is hyper-sensitive to light, sound, smells – all his senses. He would walk into a classroom for the first time and describe it as muddy brown. Actually the walls were pale yellow but he was describing the ambience.
The flip side of these remarkable characteristics is that he self-sabotages. Using heroin is his latest.
I see this as his self-destruct button. He sees it as the only time he feels right in his world, contented.